Just this month, I started to get back into the task of refinishing the endless woodwork in the house. I’m tackling an area that’s never been painted, so lacquer thinner, a respirator, and lots of elbow grease are the main tools. The work tends to go a bit more quickly than paint removal, but without the 30 minute breaks I’d usually take while the paint remover does its work (referred to as “dwell time”), I have to pace myself or end up getting more of an upper-body workout than I bargained for!
It feels like forever since I last did any substantial renovation work. And it’s amazing to think of everything Steve and I have been through in the interim. In the past few years, I’ve certainly experienced more of caretaking, illness, and loss than I did in the many years preceding them. It hasn’t escaped my attention that one of the major themes of such an experience can be a sense of guilt, fueled by a sense of inadequacy. So many of us seem to feel that if we had done or been something more than we are, we wouldn’t have become ill, or we would somehow have done better taking care of a loved one during his or her illness. I can certainly appreciate these sorts of feelings. But I’ve also come to see how our guilt over inadequacy does us no good at all, either to punish or to motivate. Why? Because inadequate is a very different thing from imperfect. We are all doing the best we can, with what we’ve got to work with, in a particular set of circumstances. Most often, the real issue is not that we “don’t have what it takes” or are “not up to the task,” it’s that we cannot control everything that happens. Sometimes, we can’t even influence events. We are not the Creator, the One, the All. We are not Perfection.
I believe that it’s good to remember—especially when painful—that we are not perfect or all-powerful. It’s also good to remember that the One who is these things does not expect us to be. God loves and accepts us as we are. Paralyzing self-analysis and guilt pull us away from God and people who care about us, but meditating on God’s radical acceptance of us draws us closer to God, and opens our hearts to others. We are free to stop beating ourselves up. We can, instead, ask ourselves questions such as, “Are there any changes I need to make in how I live my life, so that it is more in tune with the loving Creator?” “Are there things I’ve learned that I might put to use helping others who face a similar situation?” This is the sort of analysis that keeps us walking with God and others, rather than needlessly pushing everyone away.
So many sacred texts have long ago established that the all-seeing Creator accepts us and loves us, so the issue of our acceptability or “adequacy” as human beings has long been settled. Whenever we become all too aware of our limitations and our powerlessness, we can choose to close down, wallowing in feelings of guilt and inadequacy forever, or we can begin to let those feelings go, reaching out to God and others, to live our lives in love.
A life lived in love may not necessarily be any easier, but it is much better.
The Renovating Reverend 
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