The Renovating Reverend

Renovating a house gives a person lots of opportunities to drive to a home improvement or hardware store, so I have plenty of opportunities to encounter fellow drivers who do annoying or dangerous things. On just one trip out to the store, I experienced a person who cut me off, another who rode my bumper for blocks (although I was going faster than the speed limit), one in front of me who suddenly slammed on the brakes for a garage sale (on a busy, four-lane street), and yet another who barreled through a stop sign and nearly hit me. By the time I arrived at the store, I was no longer annoyed—I was just glad that I had escaped injury. I was reminded of the guy who once told me how he was kicking the habit of road rage. He was taught to focus on getting the car and everyone in it safely to the destination. “The focus isn’t on me,” he explained, “but on a purpose, a goal. When I’m driving, I have to realize that it’s not all about me. It’s about my family, about safety, about being responsible for what I do, not for what someone else is doing.”

After the week I’ve had, I think the anti-road-rage strategy might be a really good one for all of us to apply to our everyday lives. I’ve heard and read more enraged name calling and discriminatory comments this week than I have in a long time. It seems we all feel that everything is about us, as individuals, and what we are doing, and how we feel—and we really need to let everyone know we’re unhappy when we don’t get what we want or don’t get what we think is due us. I’m all for setting healthy boundaries, for speaking up and taking care of ourselves, and for having a respectful dialogue with people who don’t believe the same things we do. However, spouting off and putting other people down doesn’t really accomplish anything. It doesn’t encourage the other person to seriously consider our situation or opinion, it doesn’t further spiritual or religious values (like the Golden Rule and loving our neighbor, to name just two), it doesn’t really build us up or help us grow in any way. As I remember the old Baptist ministers saying, it doesn’t “edify.” Name calling and ranting only leaves us looking like people who have very little love and even less self control. It hurts others. And it can raise our blood pressure to unhealthy levels, to boot. So why do we do it? I think we are grasping for a quick way to feel powerful, and we forget that hollering doesn’t give us any power at all to change the situations that concern us.

So how do I think we can counteract this destructive behavior with the anti-road-rage strategy? We can focus on a real purpose, a goal, by getting involved in problem solving or service, right in our own neighborhoods and communities. We can remember that everything isn’t always about us, and that we will always share our space with people who don’t act, look, or believe as we do. We can take responsibility for our actions, rather than focus solely on what someone else is doing. If we put our energy into more positive, cooperative pursuits, we can build community, get rid of some of our frustration, and make real, lasting changes. It might not be easy—for centuries, wise people have said that the way of love is not an easy way—but it will help us arrive at our target destination. We will be closer to living as though we are already in our spiritual home.

Specific examples? People who are for and against abortion can work together on something they do agree about – fostering children who have no parents, running programs for children aging out of foster care, or reforming ineffective adoption processes. People who disagree on particular religious issues can work together to ensure that religious freedom is maintained for everyone, and that no one in their community is treated badly because of their religion. People of all sorts can get involved in groups like Habitat for Humanity or United Way events like a Day of Caring, and work with each other toward the shared goal of building up ourselves and our communities. As we work together, we just might increase our chances of coming to some agreement on the things that aren’t as closely shared.